My last piece was inconclusive…
Due to series of events in the past weeks, the story doesn’t go on and on.
All I can say is that -
I found out that amidst the unlikeliness can be sincerity and love.
The ones we think don’t deserve our love are the ones that truly deserve them.

Ciao!

...For the sake of love

In the past weeks, i have paid more attention to my environment in terms of how people relate to themselves particularly within the concept of 'Love'.
What we do and how far we go for love
The excitement and adrenaline rush that are typical to the initial symptom of love
The inexplicable long lasting, bitter-sweet after taste of love.

Everyone is looking for protection, a safe place where there are no imminent threats to our existence; That gives an insight to why there are 'unlikely' couples,.. no apparent common grounds especially on the physiologically.
I mean, what other reason would a seemimngly perceived 'good girl' be doing with a perfectly 'bad guy' - The just not good enough, sub-standard guy? Everything else being equal... so it's not for comfort, the innate man or any other thing that can confuse the meaning of love.

Toyin has got a lot going for her, giving her love completely to a man who she thought was the perfect recipient for it; but the unexpected happened, he walked away. Whille she was re-examining the whole events of her past relationship(s), she met this unlikely guy.. her friends and families thot she was loosing her mind because this guy has got a condition that is tantamount to a lot of health problems. But She wants to damn all consequences so long as the man within is not going to walk away.

Temi was dating Bonga.. who didn't quite treat her well during the life of the relationship. He never introduced her as his girlfriend, and never took her out to public places. For Temi, she was hoping that things would get better and he will gradually learn to accept her as his hearthrob. She was alone in her love. Anyway, Bonga broke off as expected.
Now Temi is getting married to this wonderful guy who treats her like the princess that she is..
But the thoughts of Bonga fish won't just dissipate, the possibilities of what would have been with him still lurks in her mind.

.....To be continued

In and Thru my mind

My alter ego is strong, compulsive and slightly askew.
It does get the better part of me a lot of times, especially on an emotional plain. I also dont like to stop it most of those times, like it's got a mind of it's own and i want to explore.
And there are times where my thoughts just go catawampus, contorted and screwy... if u know what i mean.

And you know what? I crossed the lawn yesterday on Ajose yesterday... so much for new year dos and donts. I am sorry i did, and i will not do it again. It's no such a big deal; but it's unfair to my independent will if i can't keep a promise as little as that.
And you know why i have to keep it? because it is inconsequential to nothing and it's not a matter of emotion, no driving force... So i will keep it because it's almost mundane.

The past few weeks have been hilly and contourish,.. and im still walkin on the hills and valleys.
..Even if i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil for God is with me.

And these contours are not valleys of the shadow of death... so i don't dare to fear.

Strength is my weakness... one without the other doesn't just make sense. You give me strength and u make my knees wobble, mixed feelings of fear and uncertainty,.... and the cravings and desires. I love you and i'm overbearing.

Went cold turkey on blogville for a while, blamed it to a change of environment... and now another change would not even restore it. Those are one of my numerous excuses for several of my inactions.

Have i become so numb... am i loosing my soul? i am asking me because just last night, i was walkin thru from my office to chocolat royale and i saw these 2 thieves that had been mobbed and were facing the likelihood of jungle justice...
and for several moments i did not flinch at the thought of these guys being burnt to death. I was indifferent... and u know wat that truly means.
Indifference to either a good or a bad act indicates a tilt torward the negative choice. My mind started to wonder about the future evil these 2 guys will perpetrate if given a chance.

My only regrets are for the things i did not do.. and not for those i did.

Here and Now

Silence is sometimes louder than words,.. And this present silence is deafening..
I hear it , it is clear and I understand it…there is almost not more to say. But to leave it all to the notion of silence will be inconclusive and the likelihood of fallacy and misrepresentation can not be ruled out.
I could afford to continue indulging in the golden silence… and unhesitatingly continue the forward motion… But I don’t want to – in the guise of self pride and preservation discount what was very dear and special to me. It is at least worth a looking back.
And that is what I am doing today. Looking back may be weak…, but I am not afraid to be weak because that in itself is strength. I made the move to talk today because Words are affirmative… I do not want to indulge in the luxury of the open-endedness that silence provides.
I want to talk.
I have asked myself since the moment I made that call – what exactly I want to talk about?
Have I made a decision? And what is it?
What is the true intent/motive behind this move?
What do I expect to be the outcome of this talk?
My ponderings sicken me. .. like an arrow in the heart and butterflies in my stomach. The combination of these two is not at all a nice feeling.
Anyway, Time is fast drawing near.. I would face one of my fears… Never contemplated this happening… not in the least so soon.

My Valentine 14.02.06

whats up my dear
how u doin?
miss u is an understatement. hope u are very well?
so what are u up to today?
everytime i think of where we have come from and where we at right now i am happy and i am glad i got to know u, the real u that hardly do people know or see. i am glad i have a friend in u, really glad that i do. I am sure u will turn out welll and u will get to achieve all the things u want in life and get to be the best that u can be.
i hope u get to have fun today and not be bored and all.
me i am alrite i have been in doors all day working on all sorts on my computer.
its cold here and i dont even know if there is valentine in the air at all.
sometimes i look at ur pics and i laugh, i cannot help but remember the last time i was at ur place, or the ride from ife to ibadan and then to lagos or the ride from the beach that nite etc.
u cant imagine how often i think about all the time we have spent together.
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!! thats ur sound and i hear it in my head from time to time.
okay thats it.
u take care of ur self and God bless u.
cheers

Freedom in Chains

One of my favourite words is freedom, - In all it’s variations I have tried to ponder – independence, autonomy, choice. And every time I consider and think about freedom, I always still find myself at that inconclusive point of the ‘delusive nature of freedom’.
If Freedom is a state of lack of restriction and independence where there is autonomy of choice and the liberty of free will.
The wordiness of this definition is in a bid to capture the true meaning of freedom. Notwithstanding, It is still weakly and inadequately represented.
If this definition can be likened or linked to freedom, then is there really such thing as freedom?
We all crave to be free. Free from Influences…
Parents telling us how to live our lives, schools trying to instill certain behavioural patterns,
Free from government colonisation, religious entrapments, manipulation and antics, sinister habits, unwarranted situations. … and all the other freedoms we seek.
It is a common human struggle.
The fight for life is s fight for freedom
And if the above statement is anything to go by, then one can confidently assert that –
To Live is to be free.
Life is evolutionary, which means it advances from one level of complexity to the next. ( complexity is not necessarily complication). And the essence of living life will be to conquer every stage of complexity until we reach the desirable stage of delusion of freedom. Or good still, find a bench mark strategy to cope through the advancement.
Based on this, it will also be true to say that we attain different levels of freedom based on what stage of life we are in.
In other words, there is no total freedom.

What is experienced is a false and temporary sense of freedom, because soon after, we are beleaguered with new and more complex constraints. And another freedom need arises.
It is a circular motion, but this time not quite vicious one. It is simply nature that has sentenced the human race to a continuous fight for freedom.

So, life is really a continous fight for freedom…
Who then is truly free?

Epa Ijebu

… This time not the ijebu antidote. But a brother who is an ERP consultant with an affinity for Epa Ijebu, so he was nicknamed after the mixture because he is an ardent believer in the gospel of the ijebu antidote, brother actually carried out an M.Sc research on it. As far as he is concerned, Epa Ijebu cures everything…even incurables. Every and all infirmities are curable using the antidote. I almost thought he was on the board of directors for Epa Ijebu manufacturing company. He is unarguably the greatest apostle of Epa Ijebu.
And the name is here to stay such that more people know him as Epa (short form) and it has now been modernised to be ‘Epsy’.

Epsy can somewhat be a comic relief. He has his style and ways of having his ways. We all have limitations, but the sad thing is a lot of us are lounging in the limitation. Epsy here is a craftily smart guy (unseemingly), he has been able to develop subtly aggressive and effective coping mechanism that allows him in most cases to achieve what he wants. His nature is truly funny and peculiar (common ground for everybody) One would wonder if he was from another planet. Point blank is, he is just one of those, people like to laugh at….well; not laugh in the real sense of jest. People just enjoy catching trips on him if u get what I mean.

Well he got married just over this weekend. The news of his wedding was a pleasant shock; We were happy that he was getting married and also wondering how fast it came.

Anyway, I was at the church wedding, and it was nice…very nice indeed. He is got a pretty wife too and I think they are just a perfect match.

I consider him with more respect now. For Christ's sake… he is married. It’s an End to the era of Epa ijebu and I hope every other person concerned will do the same and show some more respect.

Dude is the head of a home now.

Congrats bro!

You.

What is rocking my boat?
...I am almost scared shitless.

''There is no Fear in Love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. Because he who fears has not been made perfect in Love - 1 John 4:18.

My heart fails at the perceived storm in my boat.
I will be glad if my perceptions elude reality.

Is there a why? And will you tell me why?

Don't u rock my boat... cus i don't want my boat to be rocked.
You are the balance in my boat.

Work...Side attraction...nothing.

Amidst the heavy workload, tight timelines within working hours and the threat of my account being debited with 20k if i miss my deadline; I am tired of the blue screen, data, documentation and all the job gibberish in front of me. I want sumthing on a lighter note, and the easiest and discrete way is an escape to blogville; at least my hands are busy on my machine.

I have a few side attractions in my office, but that seem not to be adequate to get my mind off work for this shortwhile. It's not like i am being lazy, though that's my pass time or restless....
I just like to get a li'l excitement every now and then.


I am sure by now, it is obvious that i don't quite have anything to blog about. I am just hoping that while typing, sumthing will come up in my mind and i will follow a direction... but guess what?

I am still as blank as a Photocopying paper.

I enjoy my work for a few things -
the academic nature of it; paradoxically, also what i dislike most about it.
I can be in my jeans on a monday morning; even at a client site (i hope my boss doesn't read this).


Going back to Office side attractions, one of mine is a guy in my office.
This guy is far from being clowny, but he just manages to amuse me somehow. Usually don't sit faraway from him partly cus we work together in the same unit and his interesting appearance.

He frowns most of the time, i initially thought he was a permanently upset person. To be fair on him, he is good looking even with his nose in the air.

He talks fast, one would almost think he is under pressure.

His sarcasm is one of a kind, not encouraging at all. I once thought he was very self pre-occuppied.

There are 2 flip sides to him (on the job) - Very Non chalant (i no send type) and very responsible. You just never know with him.

But in the midst of all that is a God fearing and Consistent Person. He's got a lovely smile too, if only he will smile more often.

What about you...Any office side attraction?

The burden of the Black Continent

I watched and listened to the news last night. A preview of the war between the opposition parties in Kenya inspired me to write this. . ..

When will all this violence stop?
I ask myself at the breaking of the news.
Brothers against brothers
Blood against blood
Flesh against Flesh
I see a brother being matcheted by his countrymen
A woman, defiled in the presence of her own
Fear and Terror Looms at every corner
Dread in the city, Shock in the hamlet
Hatred and resentment is replicated in genes

For what cause, I wonder?
Political, religious….
What just cause will birth such injustice on humanity?



A Race so blessed and yet so cursed
The Cross of the my Africa
How costly are your blessings?
Oil for Blood
Diamonds for Blood
Power for Blood
Are your blessings blood thirsty?
Or is it the womb that brings forth?
Or is it the People?
Or nature has endowed you…
What there is?

The land is green and yet immersed in blood
Organic manure is it for the richness?
One man axes his brother to death
On Greenland
Another on the other side gives surgical treatment
To her serpent; who swallowed
Tiger Woods’ egg
Yes! It was on Skynews.
What absurdity and conflict of Value.

I know what is stronger than blood.
It is conviction.
What drives the African Conviction
That overrides every good sense of judgement
And brotherhood
Is it greeeeeeeeeeeeeeedd?!
Green Greed.
The African Greed;
Fresh as its vegetation.


I tire o!
Will Change ever come?

I feel Loved

To say I am not excited will be lying; I am excited and even that is an understatement. I am excitingly elated. I feel joy, hope mixed with feelings of enthusiasm. I feel like something is rumbling and wants to burst out within me…
It’s almost like an overflow, an outburst of joy, optimism and eagerness.

Anyway, bottom line is I’m happy. Not because I have earned an extra kobo or a better working condition, or a sweet gesture from O. I am happy because I am rediscovering the essence of life, the importance of time and the validity of the moment.

I am rediscovering God’s Love for me and it is not a spur of the moment

Silence is Golden

In view of the latest scandal on the news... (Gbenga and Moji thing), i can only but wonder If silence is truly Golden.
And if it's not always Golden, then when do we draw the line by speaking up?

It's unscriptable for me so i will not write about the whole 'low down dirty shame'
besides it's everywhere; so there is no point 'centplicating' (we are allowed to invent our words - that's why it's blogging).

Anyway, i do hope it's just another media sensation.

ciao!

Sex in the City

I recently had this discussion with my dear friend, It was an explicitly interestingly and sincerely candid discussion on one of the most popular topics in the world – SEX! I have been wanting to blog this for a while.. but i just kept forgetting. Anyway, that discussion inspired me to write today's post
Maybe someday i will blog that discussion (don't have balls yet).

We hear abstinence a few times but we hear, see and even feel sex all the time. It's everywhere on Tv screen, on the streets and on the radio. Usually a silent message of sex in almost every advert. slogans, images and all.
"We are better in bed"..remember that one?
Explicit lyrics on the radio,.... and don't we all just love that censored version of Akon's song? uhMM! i like it.
Really 'sexually agravating' (pardon my phrase) music videos and images on TV
Seductive clothings are in.. if u want to be noticed, u better reveal a good amount of 'vital parts'.

Bottom line is Sex sells! In the corporate world and under the street lights..anywhere.

The question now is - How do we survive the shadows of sex ..oops! sorry, i mean the image of sex trying to infilterate our minds and chasing us around. The only places that offer little protecgtion are the religious sanctuaries.. even that there, you are not completely shielded.
Your thoughts are there with you, That part of your mind that has a mind of it's own may start to take over. Inspite of the holy atmosphere, those unholy thoughts can start creeping up on u. You want to concentrate on the ongoing activities, but the thoughts and desires are much stronger and the truth is u really do want to indulge.

What do people do with their sex drive?
I am of the opinion that our environment has contributed immensely to the 'average societal libido' . It is sky rocketing and it will not take a nose-dive... upward ever and downward never. People want more - more sex, sexual partners, variations, increased pleasure ..and different sexual tendencies are surfacing and are being accepted and inculcated into the 'societal sexual behaviour'.

Meeeen, It's hard to stay sane in this very sexual world. Let's even leave all the externals and its bye products aside and consider the internal. That Natural Sexual instinct that is God given.
How do we manage it before it overflows it's bank due to the pressure around us.

It's a common struggle; i am looking for an anwer.

Truthfully, the energy that drives those sexual desires is so..strong.

Charity begins at home II

You know what i saw on TV last night? It was on LTV 8, and u know that they will report anything on lagos state. if possible, they will tell u how fashola (due respect sir!) is skipping his meals and having sleepless nights in a bid to find a solution to the absence of street lights on roads around the lagos state secrtetariat.
Anyway, i saw the min of education and min of health collaborating to ensure that -

• the public school pupils know their heights and weights;
• to sensitise them about the importance of eating protein..
• and of course the very popular one - free eye tests and eye glasses.

I mean, it was a major project o, probably would have cost a few million bucks and it was aired on TV. (ha..ha..ha)

It's almost becoming obvious that these people don't want to take the bull by the horn in order to address the inadequacies of the public schools. I can't understand the impact of that 'thing' on TV when there are no laboratories, no books in the libraries, teachers are not regularly paid, the school buildings are dilapidated, no toilet facilities, no desks and bench, ... nothing...nothing at all!

What is the point of the glasses when they won't be needing it, haba.. no books to read now and no teacher to write on the board! You can't want to buy man a perfume when his stomach is on fire due to lack of food. There are more fundamental problems that should be focused on; Let's not decorate the outside while neglecting the inside, it's deception.

Remember the cliche 'jiggi - bola' (bola's eye glasses) - the free eye glasses' project that was embarked upon by the former state gov? Well, this is probably an extension and it will be named 'jiggi - fashola'. Oops! sorry, i mean 'jiggi - sosan'. Our honourable Dep Gov and also commissioner for education.

Charity begins at home

On the issue of the Lagos state government closing down ‘semi’ private schools - inadequately furnished private schools, like school in a shop, without conveniences …basically improper schools. They are not hard to find, u only need to walk down the junction. Anyway, if Mrs Deputy Governor is taking it upon herself to close down all of these inadequately equipped private schools in Lagos, should she also not take it upon herself to ensure that the government (public) schools within her domain are adequately catered for?

However one chooses to look at it, these semi- private are better than a lot of the public schools in Lagos state. At least they do not go on strike. 3months is 3months per term, lessons are delivered on time, at least the teachers are around (the question of competency of tutors is another issue).. But at least these kids get taught.

Madam deputy Gov, what alternative have u provided for these kids to learn? Are u giving some kind of subsidy on equipment in these schools or are u ensuring that Lagos state public schools are conducive for learning and are better than these ‘private schools’ in terms of facilities???

Log in ur eyes, spec in the other man's!

When getting married becomes a competition

Going forward about my latest pressure, i think there is something silently competitive about getting married! (uuhm...i mean that statement!)

Well, it's not something that just falls on one like that; You actually do grow into it...we metamophosise into it (hope i'm correct). This is how it starts -

Fresh from school and enthusiastic about choosing a lucrative and enjoyable career path, so u get this nice and well paying job..and u spend most of ur time acquiring professional skills and experience on the job so you can move up the ladder. Meanwhile, all thru this period, a few of ur friends are getting married and u wonder why in christ's name are they rushing. You say 'why rush into a marriage u'll spend the rest of ur life in". And of course a lot of these young men and ladies are really young like early 20s, It actually would make better sense if they take some time out to pursue a career instead of jumpin to the alter.

Anyway, let's leave that at that. After a while You end up ur relationship because ur partner nags u too much..or u even meet a more promising dude/chic on the job front...And then, just like that u suddenly realise that ur skills are getting obsolete, u need to increase ur knowledge base and be able to compete globally. So, u take a 2 yr study leave abroad. It's fun,u r getting more refined and exposed. You know better and u've seen more than ur previous contemporaries.

24 months gone, u've finally bagged that hot certificate from the white man's land and landed one very high profile job in motherland. Now u have started to consider the idea of settling down only to discover that it seems all the marriageable men and women have been married away...and all around you are really vicious humans looking for whom to devour. Unfortunately, the pressure is mounting both within and without - 'ur biological clock is ticking away', relatives not helping matters and to now make matters worse, your most NFA (No Future Ambition) friend has sent u an invitation to his wedding. Now u are getting worked up; but u tell urself u won't give in to the pressure.

Luckily for u, there are a few of ur newly acquired friends who are in this league, so u are not alone....You don't quite see what is special in those that are married; ur life is fun and fulfilling just the way it is....But in ur heart, u are determined to say i do before any of them.

And then somewhere somehow one of ur unmarried friends starts to hint that he/she will have u be their best mate for their wedding.
....This is just the height of it. 'Have i been confined to a life of singleness and solitude'.. you ask urself.

The answer is this - It's not a time to give up; one of ur exes back in the days from 'modakeke' grammar school may just still be single and guess what? ur mama won't just sit down there and watch u age graceful into permanent singlehood. She's making huge plans to redeem u - Mama Iyabo's daughter is coming to Lagos from kafanchan.

Good luck!

Today..so far

Today I set out on a more serious note with a to-do list; I want to measure my productivity per day based on what is on my list. It does just make u appear really serious and focus, even though what u have on it can be stuff like
- Check my mail/respond to mails
- Chat on yahoo msngr
- Check on my facebook
- Go around crack some jokes for a li’l while
- Have lunch
- The Loo pls (after a heavy lunch of fufu and okro)
- Attend to that guy or girl whom u have invited to see u in the office
- Pack ur bags
- Go to the gym; u need to burn off some calories
- 2 -3hrs at swe bar, cubes or any of those to avoid the traffic on the island to ejigbo.

If u can finish ur day and achieve all u have set out to do, then it’s really been a fruitful day.

Anyway, I set out with more serious stuff on my to-do list like finish up my documentation, meet with my boss on appraisal issues, assist my colleague with his data upload, of course update my blog (yes! during office hours) and so on.... I am not halfway thru with achieving what i have on my list for the day due to some technical fault…. (which I’m kinda happy about). That time allows me to do some of those things listed above.

My point is this, in the course of all this seriousness, the issue of getting married just keeps popping up. Marriage is in the air at this period in my office. Every Tunde, Emeka and Musa seem to be getting married. Invitation cards flying about everywhere. Eligible or not as long as u’ve got the balls for the alter…we’ll survive the odds. And anywhere I turn, the question is when r u getting married?
It’s almost making my head explode, abi getting married na competition???

...gat to run back to work.

U can't be serious

Welcome to 2008!

I'll try not to cross the lawn on ajose adeogun to get into my office

I promise to wake up and get up in the morning at the 1st sound of my alarm

I will make sure i take more natural water as fluid instead of other liquids

...... loads of them.

I've broken about all except the 1st one, well it's only just the 2nd wk of the new year. Time will tell. The really funny part of makin resolutions for the new year is that somewhere in ur heart, u are afraid because u don't trust urself well enough to be able to stick to those rules. There is an evil day, where u will break each of them one by one. but u just don't know when that will be; but it will surely come.

Ayo, broke one of his new year resolutions an hour and half into the new year. He had convincingly and soberly promised himself to stay off 'sugared' drinks in the new year. But 90 minutes of surpressing the urge to have a coke was a real war; and of course he gave in just like so many of us. And that marks the beginning of 'wo (look), let me just do it jare'.

But above all those little restrictions that we put around ourselves, we should not loose those things that make up our unique self. Live life with fun and enthusiasm, don't be civil all the time, argue a few times, shout if u feel like, laugh aloud, enjoy jokes, watch and listen less to less news....

Just live on the brighter side of life.